Hjælp til at rette engelsk stil. {{forumTopicSubject}}

Hej GG,
Da jeg lige er startet på en ny skole og skal aflevere min første engelsk stil derm vil jeg gerne sikre mig at den er grammatisk korrekt og der ingen stave fejl er. Kunne nogle af jer tænke sig at hjælpe mig med det? Temaet var "My Trip to" og den skulle fylde en side. Min engelsk lærer elsker hunde, så derfor valgte jeg at skrive om dem.:)

My Trip to the Animal Shelter

Yester day I drove bye the local animal shelter, and saw a big sign hanging on the building saying:
“Open house tonight, 18-21 pm. Come and find you’re new best friend!”
That was one offer that I couldn’t resist, I had to come and se the inside of an animal shelter. I looked down at my watch, it was a digital and said 18:30 pm. My heart started to raise, “was it too late now?” I drove fast into a parking spot near bye, opened the car door, and ran into the animal shelter as fast as I could.
The first thing I saw was a whole bunch of talking, laughing, coffee drinking and money donating people, walking in small groups around the shelter. A nice older lady came over to me and asked if she could help me with anything. “Yes” I answered, “can I get a tour around the shelter?”
“Of course” the old lady said “my name is Patricia, me and my family has been running this place for over 50 years”, “come on, let me show you around?” And so she did.
First she took me the puppy department. Lots of cute and sweet little puppies were bouncing around in their cages, trying to get our attention. “Each dog here has there own story to tell” said Patricia “some of them where abandoned and left to them self, some off them was abused, and some from the famous poppy-factory’s.”
I was choked, because of all the bad humans in this world, who just got them self a dog, to let it suffer under bad conditions! I felt like I needed to make a deferens, but how?
Patricia and I walked trough many rooms, with loots of dogs, and other animals like horses, cats and rabbits.
I saw a cat full of burn marks, a dog that missed a leg and many other terrible things!

All my live I wanted a dog. When I was 7 years old I actually kidnapped a dog, from one of our neighbors. I kept him in my closet to make sure my parents didn’t find him. He was living on cornflakes with milk for a week, but one day my mother discovered a weird smell from my closet, so she decided to cheek it out. Of course the dog jumped right out of the closet. So my mom had to give it bag to its real family. When I was 10 my parents aloud me to get a gold fish, and I was thrilled! One day I came home from school, and I was really hungry. I looked in the kitchen but there were no (good) food. So I did what every hungry man would do, I took a pot, and boiled some water inside it. Then I went top in my room to get the goldfish. That night, when my parents came home they asked me where me gold fish was. My answer: “you should start buying some real food…” Since that I haven’t been aloud to have any pet.
But now I am a grown up, so I get to decide that my self.

We went to a new room, with a big sign saying “Dogs ready for adoption.” Many people where standing in line, to get a conversation with the employees. They all wanted to adopt a dog, how wonderful! Patricia asked me if a wanted to come bag tomorrow and have a consultation with her about adopting a dog from the shelter. After the trip around the shelter I couldn’t do anything else, then to say yes.

So know I’m out side the shelter waiting for my consultation with Patricia!